mattplayscheap

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2007-08-12T21:25:39Z

yeah so... August has always been a really bad month.

So I just came back from Long Island w/ Kim on monday...

Monday just happened to be the first day of a bad week.

Monday is soooo bad because two years ago on that monday was the last time I ever saw my grandfather.

Not to make my personal business anyone elses but other really shitty things happened this present monday..

so basically.. either way I had a very bad week.

It figures my weekend rocked so hard then I came home and my week started off with a bang which lead downhill..........

Something I can't really understand at all....

2007-08-05T14:11:08Z

ok, your friends!

You have friends so you can feel better and be happy... basically it's supposed to be a POSITIVE thing.

Lately... all I realize is that I have friends who hurt... what is going on :?!

whoa...

2007-07-15T04:06:59Z

i want to make things right.

SHOWS SHOWS AND SHOWS!!!

2007-06-25T01:04:46Z

geez im excited!

the band... is having two shows soon!

July 3rd at the catskill muddy cup w/ robots and butterflies and ra avis and zeb haggerty.

July 21st at the catskill point... this is the Rich Wagoner Benefit show!

I NEVER WANTED TO HEAR ALL THE THINGS YOU'VE TOLD ME...

2007-05-11T17:11:18Z

..........................................

that's all cos' there isnt anything to say at all... oh yeah bamboozle was great

oh my

2007-04-23T17:30:06Z

haha hey all it is totally my birthday!!! TWENTY YEARS OLD YAY!!!

AMAZINGLY!!!

2007-03-28T14:52:46Z

Ok... Hayley Williams... enough said!

So HOT!

Crazy red head ;-)

Ice and Snow melts but freezes my feelings...

2007-03-21T16:10:08Z

I've had far more bad days than good days lately.
Everything feels empty and distorted.
My insides are hollow and everything I say and do comes off as fake to me.

I say and do things that I don't mean and it is taken literally and it shouldn't be; they're all just rooting from the hurt that I feel.

There seems to be such a heavy wait on me and it makes me so tired and cold.
I feel pain and at times I just want to break down and let it all go but I can't!

I'm so very luck to have my friends and family... but why is the hurt stronger than the love that I recieve from them?

This confusion also gets me!
I find myself either loving or hating and then when making a decision.. I get all looped and I can't figure it out! Er... the worst few weeks ever.

TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT

2007-03-09T15:12:35Z

YES YES YES!!! WE ARE CHILLING LIKE VILLIANS TONIGHT WORD!

you know what's going down!

hm...

2007-03-05T15:49:14Z

today is a "hm...." day!

All seems...

I can't actually finish that sentence.. basically because I was interrupted and now I'm kinda in a different mood....

er... forget this.

"Is Anybody Out There? Hello Alone!"

2007-03-03T14:54:09Z

Well, I somehow manage to get hurt over and over again and plain and simple it ... well.. hurts!

I'm not to proud of somethings I've done and all but I'm not like a terrible person.

It just proves that sometimes words, when said by that one person that makes everything different, can hurt you.

I am beaten by words and I am wondering if getting beat up would hurt less or more?!

I've always managed to make people feel wanted and yes I occassionally makes a slip and say something that isn't right at all... but geez I never say anything to make someone upset. In fact, I am told that I am too nice! Maybe so?! Well yeah...

"Is anybody out there? Hello Alone. Broken hearts like promises, I left my last unknowns, is anybody out there? Hello Alone, cause the coldest winter's thread. Nonethelesser you're not here and then we must wake this home" - Anberlin

Hey Listen Dont Fucking BOTHER!

2007-03-02T03:33:17Z

Seriously, if you are going to be moody and upset me and make it hurt more than it has to then don't fucking bother me at all!

It's bad enough that this fucking shit rips me apart every day... and then you come up and have to act like this to me!

I can't control anything anymore... I'm not a controling person but I've always been able to have a grasp on my own life and things in it.

If you are going to make me feel worse than stop coming here and being here when i come home and stop hurting me.

FIN

Anberlin

2007-02-28T05:09:15Z

Hands and Secrets are the hardest things to keep from you.
Lines and Phrases like knives your words can cut me through.

I love this album ... Cities... go out and buy it!

Music!

2007-02-22T00:45:18Z

Dudes, I totally have found some cool new bands so I'll tell ya some of them...

Robots and Butterflies

Anberlin (bought the new album)

Kenotia (buying the guitarist's guitar)

Avenues and Silouettes

oh and come see me and the band play at the Muddy Cup!

Lay Your Armor Down...

2007-02-14T17:28:11Z

All I have to do is lay my armor down and walk away...

I get a lot of shit for this...

2007-02-12T17:19:07Z

Ok so why do I get shit for being religous?

I know that people are ignorant and all but seriously... you knock me for my beliefs!

It urks me more than anything because it makes me feel bad to have have someone make comments about my faith.

Fuck you and fuck your comments you lonely sack of shit!
Fuck you and fuck everything about you.
You have no beliefs good for you, now fuck off!

I chose my path don't give me problems because of it.
Let me believe in the things I believe in.. it gives you hope and many times gives me sanity!

"Four Words To Choke Upon..."

Hey guys!!

2007-02-11T09:10:36Z

Work!

Hm... what can I say about work?

I will admit that work is tiring because of the lifting and running back and forth and doing all the things that we have to do.

On the flipside.. it is so much fun!

I really enjoy it and can't believe I like it. There are a lot of people that work with me that complain or cause trouble but I don't mind. I just stay away from all of the negative things.

I enjoy working with Steve; when we are at work I try to think of him as a coworker and not a friend. When in work our friendship is nothing more that professional... I won't get caught goofing around or anything.

I just want to do my job!

haha that's it for now!

-love
-matt

I hate myself, more than I ever let on....

2007-01-31T21:15:48Z

Dear Friends,

How are ya?

I'm serious like... I'm confused... scared... cold... and the list keeps going.

I'm listening to Bayside... haha it reminds me of that day I put their show together at Nassau... that was such a great day!!!!

Mark and his cousin came and we actually went to... guess where.. yep.. Bayside afterwards haha...

Yeah but back to now... the now.. the present... the current moment in my life.. I'm in school!!!

I'm trying to figure out my next move.. like a chess game.. I'm trying to figure out my night.

Cos' I have work tomorrow and that means... work until like Monday or something.. so yep!

my problem....

2007-01-29T00:27:42Z

Here it is...

So my parents are going away for a month... I think they leave on the 16th.

I totally am all freaked out because I really don't want to stay all alone in that apartment for a month.

It's really depressing... it was bad when it was like 4 days alone but a month.. I can't handle that.

I'm like so upset over it and I want them to go away but I really hate to be alone and right now I really don't think I should be alone...

Nothing against the apartment... I really am one of those people who do not like to be alone. What can I do? I cannot go anywhere because I have school and work and I won't like coming home alone at night to an empty home. It has always been like this... even when I was younger...

HELP!!!! S.O.S!!! Please!

Answer

2007-01-29T00:19:04Z

Pop Quiz!
Let's see who pays attention! What is my favorite...
Color?
Animal?
Mythological beast?
Soda?
Tea?
Flavor of coffee?
Flavor of ice cream?
Kind of chip?
Candy?
Food?
Dessert?
Candle scent?
Author?
Genre of music(be specific!)?
Band?
Cartoon(American)?
Movie(there are a few)?
Actor?
Actress?
Video Game(also, a few)?
Superhero?
Supervillain/ess?

What instrument do I play?
What weird quirk do I have when it comes to coordinating outfits?
How many piercings do I have?
What tattoo do I plan on getting?
What's my zodiac sign?
What's my Chinese zodiac sign?
What do I plan on naming my kids?
What dog do I have(name and breed)?

I Totally Hate This Feeling...

2007-01-26T12:43:21Z

I really hate the feeling of being hated!

Plain and simple... I hate it.

I don't hate but when it comes to being hated I hate.

See... I'm sure I am not really hated... but the person is making me feel like they hate me and it really hurts more than anything.

I'm so tired of having someone close hate me... I've been there way too many times.

My life is amazingly amazing until I feel like I'm not wanted by anyone!\

-THE END-

This morning....

2007-01-19T15:21:19Z

I woke up at seven... which was different... really dark and cold.......

Justin came and just went to use the pay phone on the corner... Kim is in class... and I'm watching that show were the two ex-thiefs brake into the homes of people in order to help the people learn to be more secure.

I'm feeling.. well... odd... maybe umm who knows?! It could just be the coffee.. it's all that is in my tummy!

Oh I think Justin is back!!!!

Cool... so ummm yeah!!!!

Just me......

To see a friend bleed to death What for, some kind of metaphor That I can't see..

2007-01-16T05:12:42Z

yeah ok so i like to add lyrics to post... it kinda helps set the mood and show how im feeling...

Ok so I know that we learn to care and love and have feelings towards people. Once we become close to someone we develop emotions for them. It really hurts when you have someone you love so much and who you would give your life for.. and they are hurting or going through of really terrible time. It's even worse because you cannot help them and if you can.. you have all these things running through your mind and you don't know how to go about things.
See I've been through so much hurt and I have seen way too many loved ones hurt. Some occasions I lost that loved one forever.. and it takes so long to recover from. I don't want to lose anymore loved ones because of tragedy... I want nothing more than to stop it and help. I am deeply hurt and upset about this and I just want things to be the way they once were.
I pray!

Dear friends of this academy
Oh, Romeo is bleeding to death..
To see a friend bleed to death
What for, some kind of metaphor
That I can't see..
So I'll drink until I see it.

This sky will make me sick,
So I'll give up on you,
I'll give up on this.
This sky will make me sick,
So I'll give up on this,
I'll give up on you.

[Chorus]
Archers in your arches,
Raise your fingers for one last salute..
And bleed this skyline dry
Your history is mine.

So you want to hold me up and bring me down?
Yes, you want to hold me up and break me down

I don't care for your sweet scent
Or the way you want me more than I want you.
I don't care for your sweet scent
Or the way you want me more than I want you.

my life...

2007-01-12T07:54:06Z

I've never really had to many things and I've never been the most fortunate kid! All my life I've had to be labeled a certain way and it sucks!

I've always been missing somethings... I now feel that I have those things!

Having Kim in my life is one of the most amazing things ever!

She makes me so happy and I'm just glad to have her be there.. she doesnt have to say or do anything. She just makes me feel so special!

Nobody as ever really made me feel this way!

I love her more than anything and I can't begin to further explain what she does to me and for me.

It's official I'm finally happy!

I've Never Seen The Stars Sign So Bright!!!

2007-01-11T03:26:49Z

I am serious... the stars looked just so amazing tonight. You know being from Long Island, you don't see too many stars. All that dirty air and all the building and trees and stuff... it stops ya from seeing anything.

So I totally was outside tonight and just happened to look up and it slowed down my steps... it's so cold today so I was walking extra fast hehe :-).

Maybe the stars look even more amazing because Kim is home... that could be!
I totally didn't realize she was standing in front of me when I saw her and I thought she was a ghost or something... total shocked.. or maybe it was the Def Leppard?! HEHE..

Anyways, I am so happy to have her back. She looks amazing and I couldn't be happier. I am also glad she had a long, happy, and relaxing vacation!

Oh and Nikki... who is so amazing as well! She got this really cool gift!!!! Thanks to her for that and also for taking care of Kim.. hehe I'm happy to have them both in my life... one's an awesome friend and one is an amazing Girl Friend!!! YAY!!!

That's it...
-Matt